Nandita Das is an actress, I’m not really sure about most of her films, but I know she was in Deepa Mehta’s “Fire,” and “Earth.” It was absolutely necessary for me to do an entirely separate posting on her…
She discussed issues that are prevalent in India and social issues she contributes to.
- Dowry Deaths
this is when a wife’s family cannot pay the dowry promised to the husband and so he kills he wife if the dowry is not met. Most of the time he drowns her or burns her and then claims it to be an accident.
The husband usually gets away with these murders b/c of the corrupt system and the culture which usually favors the man.
There were about 6,000 this year which was a vast improvement. But that’s just what was able to be quantifiable, think about all the obscure villages and/or cases that were not proven to be dowry deaths. So how can this number accurately portray the amount of dowry deaths throughout the entire country?
- Female Infanticide/Sex-selective Abortion
killings of girls soon after or before they are born.
This is done for socioeconomic and religious reasons. A son carries on the family name, a son can help with the family income and a son brings a wife/dowry. A woman will just marry off and leave the family and is more of a liability than an asset.
While most think this must be something that is prevalent in the villages or amongst the poor and uneducated, think again its taking place in the most affluent parts of India. Because you need $ to find out the sex of the baby and to get an abortion.
- Bollywood
Nandita Das usually selects roles that tie into her social work at the time
She spoke about the current state of Bollywood and discussed how much it has changed for the worst.
She made a point about how the hero is not connected to the “real world” anymore and how the hero lives in a palace and how most movies only focus on a particular class.
We got into a discussion on Rang De Basanti, I have not seen the movie, but I remember how desperately I wanted to see it when it came out. But Nandita was completely against it, she talked about how Bollywood is starting to give such simplistic answers to complex problems which in turn does not encourage thinking and discussion.
Now imagine how big bollywood is and imagine “AbhiAsh” in a Deepa Mehta film. They’re influence on the society could make a huge difference but instead they focus on the same theme in every movie, falling in love.
- Indian Men in America- “oh yes son, I’m talkin to you”
How funny is it that Nandita Das had something to say about you guys! She brought up the issue of caste and how it is still prevalent throughout the country. But even more astonishing to her was the behavior of Indian guys living in the U.S.
She talked about how stupid it is that you guys are coming back to India to get married and how you are digressing and a disgrace. You are giving our generation a bad name and keeping the caste/segregation system alive and well. She was disgusted how you would come to the US for your education or how your parents came to the country for that reason but how you choose to marry a woman from India that is of the same caste- regardless of her education. How your only criteria for marriage is to find a woman of the same caste to take care of your kids, your parents and yourself.
I know a lot of my friends and even family members plan on doing the same, but you claim the reasons are different and have nothing to do with caste. But whatever the reason, the underlying issue is that you don’t regard women as equal. Whatever the claims, lack of culture, too much “experience,” etc, you embody all these things as well; but believe its okay for you, just not for the woman you marry. Anyway, I hope for the sake of all the educated woman out here, you do marry out there, the less of u in the pool the better. But please don’t pretend its noble of you to do so and that its for your parents and not you; there is absolutely no nobility in keeping sexism and segregation amongst Indians alive.
She loved that my sister and I were there and that she got our POV; however, there was also a guy w/in our group that was Indian and had plans to marry in India. He was astonished that he needed to defend his future plans and didn’t even see anything wrong with it. So she was very diplomatic about the issue and ended the discussion before a war broke out about the issue, my sis was about to go crazy!!
- Giving
We discussed the corrupt system in India and how difficult it is for us to help out. There are about 20,000 NGO’s in Delhi but we can’t even be sure how many actually do the work. She suggested using http://www.giveindia.org/ to donate. I have yet to donate so I don’t want to promote just yet but I’ll give more details on the site once I do.
6 comments:
I cannot believe you met Nandita Das. OMG I love her! She's a powerhouse actress. I've seen Fire and Earth and they're both fantastic films full of substance and dimension. She's also been in some acclaimed Bengali films. I have Fire at home, I'll give it to you.
I was unaware that she is a social activist, but it just makes sense that she would be fighting for the rights of women and children.
You have to tell me more about her.
Its not just Bollywood thats apathetic to the social problems that riddle India, its all the mindless soap operas that perpetuate backward thinking and inequality between men and women. I hate that every second Hindi movie is filmed outside of India. I hate that all the back up dancers are white. There are thousands of equally qualified women in India that need jobs. I hate the Indian obsession with fair skin. Its appalling and embarrassing that people in our generation think that way. You're a joke!
Anyway, your trip sounds amazing! Keep up the good blogging!
In defense of Indian men in America, What about the argument that by marrying a girl in India, you might be giving her opportunities that she is not going to get in India. Heck, as you mentioned previously, she may experience a dowry death or some other fatal problem being married in India. While I do agree that most men who go back to India to marry are doing it for the wrong reasons (pretty much looking for a housekeeper / subservient woman), there are TONS (I have many friends) who have gone back and married educated women, one is even a former bollywood actress, who have now come here and started fantastic careers which were not possible back in the village/towns of India. And most of these indian men in America who go back to India to marry are born in India anyway, so for them to go back and find a bride is only natural. Like you girls are gonna date any of these so called "fobs" anyway. They are only doing what is in their best interest by finding a person who shares a similar childhood experience, someone who can fit into their family, etc. How many ABCD Indian Men do you know what go back and marry traditional women in India? I would argue VERY few. I know I personally wouldn't have much in common with a girl who grew up in India so I probably wouldn't marry a girl from India but what if I went there and fell in love...does that make me a person who is solely perpetuating the caste system?
And come on, the Indian men who marry women in India, usually do out of the biodata / parental system, not out of love..now how is that not promoting the caste system? So are you saying, that you should only marry who is of your educational equivalent?
Okay Naresh I must retaliate…first I want to address your argument of giving opportunities to the girl from India as to avoid dowry deaths, most of these women are living in poverty which is why they have to deal with such things (ie, the parents can’t afford the dowry). Now how many of these TONS of friends you have are actually going to India to marry one of those women? You mentioned “bollywood actress,” come on man don’t act like your friends are marrying these women to “save” them or for any other unselfish reason, most of those women were/are probably living equivalent if not better lives out there.
As far as the “fobs”- I personally, have no problem dating fobs! But anyway if these guys are so concerned with a girl “fitting” in to that culture, why not marry her in india and live there. Why is he taking her out of her element to adjust here and live away from her home? Why is he taking a girl from her “Indian” culture to adjust to the “american” culture, when there are already plenty of single women who already live in this culture? There are also plenty of girl fobs too, who share the same childhood experience and have come here the same way they did, why not look to marry them?
You going to India and falling in love is a completely separate issue, b/c love is not a factor in the situation we’re discussing.
I’m not saying you should marry someone who is of your educational equivalent, I’m saying that ideally men should want to marry a women who is of their educational equivalent or greater and I’m simply using that as an example of a factor that should be considered as opposed to what caste they belong to.
To Give or Not to Give:
Definitely like this one; you bring up an interesting observation. “Your heart breaks but at the same time you know if you give some money to one about a million will come out of nowhere and harass you some more.”
I think that like anything else, people become desensitized. I think that it is because we’re in a society where we do not see thousands of homeless people daily that our ‘heart breaks’; as opposed to dealing with it as part of one’s daily routine - I wonder if they feel the same? Meaning, I wonder if this is really a ‘constant struggle’ to those living it. That being said, I agree with your final assessment: we, as in those that do NOT see it daily, should definitely take a look at our ‘financial problems’ – and see if there aren’t things we can forgo.
I imagine you’ll get the most comments on this one - the “oh yes son, I’m talking to you”.
I’m not saying that this, return “to India for the sake of caste propagation” does not happen; I am saying that I am not convinced it is as prevalent as Nandita Das (ND) believes/claims. I say convinced, because I don’t see the criteria being applied based on the post.
1) First off, define “you guys”. Is it those that have lived in the US for most of their lives (i.e. – ABCDs, / people like me who have been here for all of their teenage life), or is ND referring to those that have come here for college (for lack of better term, FOBs)? I think there is a huge difference between the two. If ND is including the latter group when saying “how stupid it is that you guys are coming back to India” for marriage; I think it grossly distorts the issue. That is, to those that come here for college, they are not going “back” anywhere because to them, India is home. So, I’d be interested in knowing if ND is making any distinction between the two groups, or coupling it into one large “you guys”.
2) “I know a lot of my family friends and even family member plan on doing the same ….” How many is “a lot”, and where did these people grow up? I ask because I don’t know anyone that grew up here that are looking specifically for someone from India. (I’m concerning myself with ABCDs because non-ABCDs don’t view it as “going back”).
3) “Regardless of Education”. This is where I am most confused. Because here, even when I take into account both ABCDs and FOBs – I don’t know that education is on the back-burner. I find that because the guys are in the U.S., education has become an even more important criterion. I’m not convinced of ND’s larger point of guys “choose to marry a woman from India that is of the same caste regardless of her education”.
4) Ok, say let’s that this does occur in the scale NDs says: what about the girls? Surely, it isn’t just the guys that return to India to marry for sake of caste?
5) Finally, I’d be curious to know ND’s thoughts on caste preservation outside of India, namely the U.S. Meaning, if a guy/girl in the States decides to get involved with someone that is the same caste/culture/etc as he/she; do these people also get the ire of ND, or just those that return to India to get married? What’ does she feel is the difference between the two?
Ultimately though I wonder to what extent this is occurring. Is it that ND is outraged with this happening at all? Or is it that she feels this to be a fairly significant phenomenon?
By the way...I’m curious to know how that one guy in your study abroad team defended himself?...poor guy!..haha
y mk? anyway I want to first make it a point to say that this discussion was a combo of thoughts from Nandita, my sis and i...we were unable to continue our discussion, mainly due to that "poor guy" who was very upset and expressed throughout the trip that he is no longer a fan of nandita das. Also b/c half of the group could not relate to the topic. 1)So with that being said i could not delve further into the exact type of "indian guy," so maybe I'm not talking to you? 2)As far as fam members (you know EXACTLY who i'm talking about!) 4)Seriously, how many girls do you know of that go back to India to marry, its not even an option for most. 5) It was just an example of keeping the caste system alive and well even outside of India, it was a small part of a larger discussion but the fact that it does exist is ridiculous regardless of how significant of a phenomenon it is. How is not appalling that our generation of indians could possibly still acknowledge caste?
I noticed the 'mk' after I posted; tried to change, but didn't update the post...anyway..MK = Preetham....=)
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