sweet november

WARNING: I’m having one of those days where I have so much to say & not enough time to organize. I hope you are able to follow this post as it takes many different turns & doesn’t even conclude properly, but very personal…read at your own risk…

There’s this scene in the movie Sweet November where Keanu Reeves is at a restaurant with a client I think and the client is someone that could make or break his career. The waitress serving them manages to spill on the client. At this point the client is infuriated and tells the waitress,

"we are what we do in this world, sweetie, and you're a waitress. All that requires is that you bring the food and drink to and from the table without making a mess. That's it. So when you screw up something so incredibly simple as that...well that just doesn't say a whole helluva lot about you, does it?”

(Yes, that's the exact quote) Its actually a pinnacle point in the movie b/c Keanu realizes that he does not want to become this guy and refuses the job, which then changes his life. Anyway, forever I have had the same attitude as the client , I had absolutely no sympathy whatsoever for the waitress who ran away crying. Granted I was ashamed for thinking that but still no sympathy. Infact everytime I would receive bad service and get angry about it, I would refer to it as a “Sweet November moment.”

I began to explore the deeper meaning behind my low tolerance for bad service. I usually just chalked it up to the fact that I used to train on customer service and so my knowledge of the subject caused utter disgust for bad service. But then I realized the low tolerance turned into aggressive behavior and it was definitely much more than just having an attitude problem.
Okay so through my soul searching I realized that most of the racist moments in my life center around those in service. Before you jump on that statement, let me explain, I was born in NJ in the 80’s, before Indian infiltration, it was very different back then. There were very few Indians in central jersey at the time, infact Oak tree road didn’t exist, well it did but it wasn’t little india back then. Anyway we experienced a lot of racism/unwelcomed behavior back then.

I remember the day very vividly, an A&P had opened up in the area and my parents along with my extended family decided to take a trip to the grocery store together to prepare for some party. I remember we were passing through the coffee aisle and I remember how desperately I wanted to push the big red button to grind the coffee. I had this tick at that age where I NEEDED to push any and every button I ever came across. The torment of that shiny new button, untouched by me, I couldn’t resist, I HAD to push it. My cousin noticed the look on my face and immediately stopped me by pointing to my dad who was nearby. Okay now let me explain my dad, he’s a man of few words, slightly militant but BRILLIANT. He’s extremely intelligent and has an aura about him that demands respect. I was never daddy’s little girl growing up (& I totally appreciate that) and if you ever met him you would realize how that sort of relationship would be impossible. Anyway so my rebellious nature and boastful attitude, lead me to push the button when my dad’s back was turned.

Later, at the register the cashier starts a public fight with my dad. Now this is unheard of, I’ve never seen anyone talk to my dad that way and didn’t understand why. I remember immediately thinking that my dad’s going through this b/c I pushed that button. All I could think about was that moment when I decided to push that button and ruin this family trip to the grocery store. These thoughts assisted in blocking what was actually being said, so I can’t even tell you how the fight started or what was even said. Anyway, I confessed to my sister in the midst of the rant, who responded with “no stupid she’s just racist.” My dad handled it very well, he lectured her which made her look like an idiot then used the opportunity to teach us a valuable lesson. That was my first ever encounter with racism, as early back as I could remember, it was initially very difficult to understand that sort of hatred. There were many other moments in my life too, to which I began to notice some trepidation on my mom’s part when dealing with anyone within the service industry. I also noticed her getting increasingly self conscience about her accent. This always infuriated me; these people caused my mom to feel this way. I personally never wanted to feel that way, unwelcomed in my own country, it was after this I consciously vowed to make sure my parents never had to go through that again and make sure I never did either. Thus began my animosity towards anyone and everyone within the service sector of the US economy.

So before I go on, do you think this makes my current actions at least somewhat excusable? Better yet, when comparing the client from the movie or the cashier from A&P, whose actions do you feel is more excusable? It would seem to be the client of course, so what a waitress has to deal with an unruly customer but racism is totally inexcusable. What if the waitress lost her job, couldn’t pay her bills and her life thereafter was totally ruined? In my story, I learned a valuable lesson and developed an attitude problem but otherwise lead a very content/successful life, my dad was generally unaffected in the grand scheme but loved opportunities to teach valuable lessons and my mom although somewhat affected, did not stop her from becoming head supervisor of her own laboratory and overcoming her fear of the accent by recently starring in a promotional video for her lab. Does the outcome of the stories change things?

Keep in mind that this may have been the reason why my animosity began but not at all the reason why it withheld. The anger grew into its own monster and I forgot where it started and just blamed my rant on bad customer service, scratch that not “bad” customer service, but service that did not revolve around my life. The reason I say that it grew is b/c my rant wasn’t race-specific, my anger was no longer or nor was ever geared to any specific race, infact most of it was mainly geared towards gas station workers – who are predominantly Indian (and were impeding on MY busy schedule). I wasn’t trying to amend the racism my parents went through anymore; I’ve just become a spoiled brat. And even if my “not so tragic” racism moment was the initial reason for my rant, my need for redemption was fueled by a negative emotion and so regardless it was not at all justified.

Anyway there is a point, I swear, it will all come together real soon…

I’m not the only person in the world that acts this way. Most people may have a more tragic story and use it as a reason to act like an a-hole. We find excuses and reasons to justify our selfish behavior & lack of empathy towards other human beings. It has become sort of a cultural thing, and by culture I mean American, this type of behavior. We have lost our camaraderie with others within our community or even country, does social standing or race really matter? And our lifestyle here in the US has become a lifestyle of abundance. We feel we are entitled to get what we want when we want it and we won’t let anyone stand in our way (I’m totally generalizing, I understand that). Think about all the other ways that we portray this selfish/aggressive type of behavior. Road rage- we’ll cut anyone of/tailgate and drive aggressively not caring about anyone else as long as we get to work on time. Obesity- we’re pigging out while the rest of the world and parts of our country are starving. In the workplace- there is always a Machiavellian type who steps on everyone else to get to the top.

In the end it really doesn’t matter what events in our life shaped us or make us behave this way. Everyday you make a decision whether to be an a-hole or not. Although in this world you are just one small person, everyday someone else is affected by your behavior. It’s the little things that take absolutely no effort on our part but can have an enormous effect on someone else’s life. We think we are in our own little island, striving to make our own life easier but neglecting others in the process. What if you smiled at that random guy that stares at you all through class (ooo just did it- creepy), im’d someone you havn’t talked to in months- just to say hi (remember me?), stopped cutting people off on the road (must resist givin the finger) or even remained calm and friendly when calling for dell support, what sort of effect could you have…(to be continued).